Sky News reports that:

A manufacturer of ultra-low carbon fertilisers has secured millions of pounds of funding from investors to fuel its expansion.

CCm Technologies, which is based in Wiltshire, has raised £8m in a Series B round led by Frontier Agriculture.

CEO Adge Cutler, from nearby Somerset, says the secret to the new technology is the use of 'wurzels' to stir the raw material manure using their patented, personal 'thrashing machines'.

He then insisted on singing his favourite song:

Oi ad er, oi ad er, oi ad er oi ay.

She did the milking and oi whipped the cream and oi showed er the works of my thrashing machine.

Surely destined to become a party favourite at CCm xmas dos!

Apparently, the company is making more money from plant tours to see the wurzels and their thrashing machines than from their fertilizers.

Swedish Lutheran minister Greta Thunderberg is rumoured to be coming on a visit to see the thrashing machines in action, telling FNN:

I'm just dying to see a low-carbon thrashing machine!

I'll be taking plenty of pictures to upload to my OnlyFans page - so get subscribing.