Like the Sputnik vaccine, as first reported by FNN last year, strange side-effects are now emerging for the Pfizer vaccine, especially among males.

Our research has found that some men have reported:

• increased penis girth after the first shot
• prolonged and erratic erections after the second booster shot

There have even been reports of third testicles appearing, known in some circles as the "triple teabag".

A spokesperson for Pfizer commented:

There is no connection between our COVID vaccine and our immensely popular Viagra drug. The fact that the vaccine has a slightly blue tint and is made in the same factory is merely a coincidence.

As you know, Viagra was developed to reduce blood pressure but turned out to be much more effective at increasing blood flow.

But there is no danger whatever that our Covid vaccine could also turn out to have unexpected bonerses, just like Viagra.

Did I just say "bonerses"? Of course I meant "benefits".

One recipient of the vaccine, who asked to remain anonymous, told FNN:

It's definitely got bonerses! I got a boner on the train on my way home from the vaccination centre, which was embarrassing as I was the ticket collector.

A spokesperson for the Levi-Strauss jeans company commented:

We are currently re-testing our jeans to ensure that the flies can stand the additional stress induced by the Pfizer vaccine.

This is in response to complaints from members of the public, mainly ladies, who have been hit in the face and bosom by metal poppers bursting out of our traditional button-down fly.