Ever since Prince Harry revealed in Spare that he put Preparation H on his 'todger' after it shrunk in the cold at the North Pole, sales of the cream have rocketed and special racks had to be put into Boots to cope with demand.

It is now being sold as a replacement for Viagra - reflected in the fact that the cream has been tinted blue. The packaging has also been changed to include 'The Montecito Arms' logo, which looks a lot like two todgers rampant, and the endorsement of the House of Sussex.

Someone called Austin Powers contacted FNN and told us:

I used to rely on a Swedish penis enhancer contraption but the problem was it took up so much room in my luggage.

So this Preparation H cream is a godsend as I can keep it in my washbag and apply it directly after a shower so I'm fully prepared for some serious shagging with my Goldmember.

Australian porn star Bill "Bazooka" Heslop commented:

You won't see me putting that crap on my penis. I just hear the name and I'm reminded of a sphincter, which is a real turn-off. Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinnie. I'm parched.