The EU is outraged that the status of its ambassador to the UK has been downgraded following Brexit.

Going forward the EU ambassador will no longer be able to:

• drive on the wrong side of the road in the UK
• park anywhere they like and ignore their tickets
• import currywurst from Germany in their diplomatic bags

In addition...

• The EU embassy will be moved to Rochdale next to a Poundsaver store
• All Aldi and Lidl stores will be subject to an extra 5% VAT
• EU embassy staff will be forced to accept wonky bananas and hairy peaches in their lunch boxes

EU spokesperson, Ursula von Richthofen told FNN:

There will be repercussions for this diplomatic faux pas by the Brits.

We will immediately sanction the availability of croque-monsieurs, frankfurters and runny Italian lasagna. That should stick it to those leave voters.

However we will continue to export emission-tampered Mercedes and VW cars as this earns far too much money for Germany for us to sanction.