Elon Musk has been criticised for turning off his Starlink satellite network to prevent annihilation of the human race by the Mysterons.

A Starlink critic told FNN:

The Mysterons wanted to annihilate the world by using his low-orbit Starlink network to guide their anti-matter bombs to their targets.

But Musk refused. This is outrageous!

I mean what does he think his satellites are for? Beaming down Netflix and porn to areas out of reach to normal Internet connections?

FFS! Doesn't he get it? Starlink is just another weapon we can hijack to impose our international 'rules-based' order.

If Starlink had been around when Libya was destabilised, we could have found Gaddafi faster so we could stuff a bayonet up his bottom!

The leader of the Davos-based Mysterons, aka 'The Hood', told FNN:

This is just another example of Elon trying to frustrate our efforts to use anything we can to destroy the earth.

Our agents have already successfully subverted the Ukraine (Zelensky is the new Black), which we are using as a testing ground for our Great Reboot.

And our US 'Manchurian candidate' - Joe Biden - is also doing great work on our behalf, although unfortunately he has forgotten most of what we told him and simply isn't as handsome as Laurence Harvey.

But Elon won't succeed in thwarting our nefarious plans to destroy the world.

Noooooo! You cowering earthlings are all doomed! Hahahahahahah!