To reflect the zeitgeist, the UK's Department of Education is to introduce new core curriculum subjects for primary and secondary education.

Primary schools will now need to teach Gender Identification Manipulation Protocols (GIMP) as a core subject since many infants are confused about whether they are boys or girls or indeed whether boys and girls actually exist. Schools will need to hire in GIMP specialists since most teachers are not qualified to teach the new subject.

We asked a primary school pupil about GIMP and it said: I am very confused because when I go home I have a female mummy and male daddy but I have been told that they are outdated gender stereotypes, which makes me feel very insecure and unhappy.

Secondary schools will now need to teach Supply Chain Universe Management (SCUM) in order to explain core topics such as why empty shelves exist, how to become an HGV driver and why outsourcing everything to China was probably a mistake and will lead to economic blackmail in the future.

We asked a secodndary school student about Scum and she said:

Scum is way cool and is just what I need to help me figure out how to become an HGV driver and make tons of dosh. Unless of course I can like make more on Universal Basic Income and stay at home gaming and stuff.