A new theme park is to be opened in the UK.

The new theme park, to be called London, will be open 24/7, 365 days a year.

A spokesperson explained:

London is perfect to be turned into a theme park with all its branded attractions such as Tower Bridge, the Houses of Parliament, Carnaby and Baker Streets already in place and ready to be revamped for future Chinese visitors.

London is famous for its hospitality and healthy food options such as KFC, McDonalds, Pizza Express, Starbucks and Subway so we know our guests will be well fed.

The Chinese will be introduced to Chicken Tarka. It's like chicken tikka but a little 'otter (Credit: Thanks to the brilliant Mick Miller)

We intend to evacuate the entire population of London to somewhere near Carlisle except those who wish to remain in roles such as jolly chimney sweeps and flower girls in our new Mary Poppins themed 'City of London' or lovable street urchins in our Oliver-inspired 'Dickensian Docklands'.

The river Thames will be drained and replaced with fake canals and gondolas imported from the Venetian hotel in Vegas and the Houses of Parliament will become a giant casino to be run by the Navajo tribe.