The head of the Royal Navy has refuted Russian claims that His Majesty's ships were responsible for recent explosions in undersea pipelines between Russia and Germany.
A naval spokesperson told FNN:
It is a well-known fact that the Royal Navy has no seaworthy ships capable of reaching the Baltic Sea especially as the Home Fleet is entirely consumed by cross-channel immigrant protection convoy duties.
Our submarines are also unavailable as they are all docked due to the current submariner sexual abuse investigations.
Russia's claims are clearly another example of their preposterous pipeline propaganda.
Meanwhile, Russia is suspected of sabotaging the undersea cables to the Shetland Islands to cut off a vital supply of electricity and Internet connectivity to the Navy's Baltic Sea fleet (1 minesweeper - HMS Bronington) based at Scapa Flow.