The SAS (aka Surfers Against Sewage) have been protesting the dumping of sewage into British waters by water companies who seem to be unable to deal with the amount of crap being generated by the British public.

A mass paddle-out, navigating various bobbing objects, took place at a number of British beaches.

The protesters came up with lots of appropriate slogans such as 'fishes not faeces' and 'What do we want? Waves without wee-wee'.

Apparently preventing the over 300,000 sewage spill incidents a year in the UK will require £10bn of investment by Water Companies that will inevitably end up on consumer bills.

A spokesperson for the Water companies told FNN:

We will be introducing smart toilets that monitor defecations so that consumers can be charged fairly for their crap based on real-time data from their toilet bowl. It's all part of the Internet of Things. Isn't technology great!

EU spokesperson Ursula Von Richthofen, on her way back from the G7 summit in Japan, told FNN:

Due to our staple diet of Currywurst and chips, we no longer do number two in Germany. In any case, the EU will be tackling sewage using AI and we are working with Microsoft and Google to create a new AI called 'CrapGPT' to deal with the mess. Vorsprung Durch Teknik!