Due to the pandemic, vaccines are being rushed into use with limited testing for side-effects.

As one of the first vaccines produced, Russia's Sputnik formulation has already been used extensively and now some strange side effects are being reported:

• a few people have applied to be renamed Yuri
• some report a beep...beep...beep sound in their ears
• some women with long hair say their hair now sticks out from the back of their head in 4 strands like antenna
• others report they cannot get the old hit tune Telstar out of their heads

Russia claims these side effects are only experienced in the decadent West and that in any case, anyone experiencing side-effects in Russia is safely quarantined in the remote Gulag Archipelago area until they recover.