President Trump has announced a 90 day halt of his tremendous tariffs, except for places like China, a move that has sent the stock market soaring.

Somebody, it's not clear who, has made a fortune out of this bust-boom week in the markets as worried punters sold off to smart money buyers who buy low and sell high.

One sector that loves Trump is the mainstream media, who are seeing eyeballs go up as Trump wreaks havoc around the world and everyone wants to know the latest shenanigans as soon as they wake up.

A spokesperson explained:

The tremendous tariffs imposed by the President are like a James Bond cocktail for the world economy, which has ended up shaken not stirred.

Beltway insiders report that Trump has taken to wearing a white suit, has shaved his head, frequently puts his pinkie to the side of his lips, and is never seen without a furry, white cat in his arms.

He is frequently accompanied by the CEO of a car manufacturing company - known to insiders as 'Hillman Imp' - whom Trump views as a miniature version of himself.