Trump has threatened to invade the UK county of Yorkshire to take back the strategically important Barnsley Canal.
A spokesperson explained:
The President knows that this canal, used for the transportation of Parkin, originally sourced from the Chip-Butty mines of Knotty Ash (near Liverpool), is now managed by the Chinese (in fact Mr Woo Tang's Chinese takeaway in downtown Barnsley).
He will not accept any restrictions on the export of Parkin, which he enjoys after a slap-up meal of chicken nuggets and a can of Diet coke
Local Councillor Duxbury, of Barnsley undertakers Shadrack & Duxbury, told FNN:
Trump has just got a monk on. He needs to stop chelpin', get on with his chuffin' job and put the wood in th' hole.
Mind you that Melania, she's a nice piece of snap. Better than that minger Hillary.
Think on't.