Massive water explosions have been detected in the Baltic Sea over areas where the Russian-German Nordstream 1 and 2 pipelines run. The West claims that Russia has sabotaged the pipelines using Navy divers launched from submarines, a bit like the scenes from Thunderball.

However, FNN has learned that a much more common-sense explanation is in order. Professor of Flatulence at the Swedish University of Ooppsadaisy, Olaf "whiffy" (pronounced viffy in Swedish) Bratskit told FNN:

This is a well-known problem with gas pipelines which are designed to emit 'farts' at peridoic intervals to prevent a build-up of noxious fumes in the pipes.

Pipelines are equipped with special automated "sphincters" that can be remotely activated by the pipeline operator. These emit what is in effect an enormous fart into the ocean and accounts for the surface water disturbance seen in the Baltic Sea.

I don't think this is anything to do with the Russians although there have been reports that Bornholm islanders have complained of a stench that smells a lot like rotten beetroot wafting over their islands.

Bill "Battler" Heslop commented:

I reckon the professor is right. These underwater explosions look a lot like what happens when I fart in the bath after a skinful of Fosters. Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinny. I'm parched!