According to the Times, the UK military is to introduce:

Summer boot camps to give teenagers a taste of army life.

Young people will have the chance to try out being a soldier as part of a drive to encourage recruitment.

The new bootcamps will give over 18s the chance to:

• sample the latest Army scoff (cuisine by Heston Blumenthal such as beans on tofu toast with deep fried crickets)
• look at a wide range of ammunition but not fire it (as it has all been sent to the Ukraine)
• wear cool new Army Uniforms (styled by Dame Zandra Rhodes)
• do a tour of Salisbury Plain and experience life in a barrack block (just like living in Glasgow)
• learn how to polish things called boots, iron shirts and wash your own socks

A spokesperson for Lord Lancaster of Kimbolton, head of the army reserve, told FNN:

We expect these new boot camps to be a sensation on Instagram and Tik-Tok, especially after their recent endorsement by Dylan Mulvaney.

We have already received a lot of interest from the transgender community and have converted a barrack block to feature unisex toilets, well-lit make-up mirrors and down duvets.

I want to assure all potential participants that they will not be sent to the Ukraine after their training despite Lord Cameron's clamoring for WW3.

They would need to do at least a further 2 weeks training to be ready to be used as cannon fodder for Russian artillery.

All participants can sign up for useful technical training such as drone targeting, IED defusing and repairing broken down tanks.

Just the thing to take back to civvy street!