There has been widespread shock and revulsion at the revelation that British MPs have not been watching porn in Parliament.

While watching porn is apparently one of the most popular pursuits for all age groups according to Internet usage statistics, MPs were shocked to learn that no-one is watching porn in parliament despite having to sit through loads of boring speeches and childish grandstanding on a daily basis.

A newly elected MP told FNN:

When I first arrived in Parliament I thought 'my honorable member' was a euphemism for a penis or as they say on Wall Street 'a big swinging dick' and the chief whip was some kind of S&M code.

That's why I only watch porn in my constituency office along with the rest of my staff.

By the way my safe word is 'Boris'.